I haven’t been feeling good for the past couple of weeks. I always blamed it on the sudden change on my schedule. I am not an early riser, so to wake up at 6:00am to get ready for my shift in two hours was a total pain. I couldn’t seem to motivate myself… I had to drag my body out of bed, take a shower and fix myself up. By the time I am all done, I only have 30 minutes left on the road. And so, I have to go 75mph to make it on time. Yes, I am actually speeding now. I am way too far from that first week I had to drive alone in the freeway. Just recently, I caught myself cursing those drivers using the fast lane even when they drive slow.

This weekend I was off, thanks God. I needed at least two day straight away from work. It gets a little monotonous and repetitive after some time. Reports after reports… I know I have to train with Stephanie and Verenice, but to sit there in the office, away from the commotion is way too boring for me. All I did was eat, well, vegan food from the cafeteria and drink Starbucks just to be awake that full 8-hour shift. I am such an owl, I thought I won’t survive the day shift. But, I did. It almost consumed my patience, but it did not. Of course, I still want to show my co-workers how great of a team player I am (wink). That impression seems to be always important to me. Not that there is a need for me to impress anyone, I just want them to feel comfortable that I can do what I am asked of without the need to force an issue. That’s all. Now, with that “kissing someone’s behind”, that is so not me. I don’t even make small chats with my supervisors. I love to maintain professionalism in and out of work, that is just so easy to cross and easy to abuse.
Well, back to my issues. I am glad though that I am back to the ER tomorrow. I needed it. The rush is what fuels me to be efficient and useful. To be in that moment, be submerged on that environment and actually go outside the bubble of being comfortable in a four-walled room… It is very freeing. Almost like free-falling. I like it. It gets physically tiring, I must admit, and the question about what’s going on with me health-wise is something I have to reconsider. Yet, I can’t imagine any other schedules that might be of any good to me but this that I currently have. So, I am holding on to it. Besides, no one really cares to snatch the swing shift away from me anyways… So, I guess, there is no issue after all.
I just needed to write nonsense as I can feel my pseudo-poetic life drifting away from me everyday…

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