As I continue with my journey, I often find myself on the STOP sign. Despite the crossroads and struggles I still manage
to take the right way. It is still a long way but no matter how I see it, I am still moving forward to where I am supposed to…


There are things I want to talk about and yet I can’t seem to find the right words to describe them. I find it really strange. I reached the point where I just am speechless. Nothing to say. No energy to even carry out a conversation. I have lost interest in so many things. I feel so worn out by my everyday struggles that all I want is to give my soul the rest it deserves.

Believe me, I can be pretty patient. However, there are those things I cannot stand at all. One of them was being frozen in some kind of stagnant stage where minutes seemed to last like eternity. I realized that all I desire is just some time alone. A space where I can stop and think, meditate and contemplate. I want to be angry when I have to, to cry when I feel sad. I want to laugh to my heart’s content, and to sit back and watch the sun vanish from the horizon. Carefree. It’s all I want.

That’s why I’ve been wanting to escape… been wanting to run away.  When things got too complicated for me to understand, I wished I was not bound to anything and to anyone. That I can just break free and not to worry about whatever is going to happen. I tried everything to adopt to the situation. When words were just too rough, I carried out a fake smile. I masked my emotions. I hid the pain. The more I did what I thought was right, the lesser my self-esteem became. The truth is when someone think you are totally dependent, it takes away that little pride you have of yourself. And suddenly all you did in return just fades so fast no one even remembers.

So I learned a lesson… and this I am writing to ease my OWN burden. I have heard the worst of words that can break a spirit, that can tear a bond. Though I know anyone can be a probable subject, I am refusing to be under it’s debilitating power. As I have said, though I believe in building bridges; I too have to close my doors when the situations calls for it. I actually got the courage to finally do that.  It came with a price, but I am glad that what it took is of lesser importance to me…

I no longer worry of what’s being thought and being said of me. I figured out, everyone has the right to say something and so do I. It does not even matter who’s got the bigger ally – who’s got who, who’s got what. How many listens, how many actually believe. For me, it is not a battle. It is a journey… and in every journey I go through, I get to learn more about myself in relation to others. I take note of my weaknesses and remember my strengths. In the end, I continue to flourish as I must…