Last night dragged. For the first time since the hospital started, I felt my enthusiasm draining out. At 6:00, I was already staring at the clock, couldn’t wait to get out of there. I was not even physically tired… I was just ready to break away. I needed my Wednesday off so bad. Not like I am planning something big, nor am I going somewhere special. I just wanted to be anywhere but there. I had confessed in the past how I felt about securing a spot at LLU’s new hospital in Murrieta. Now, that feeling of pride is still strong and nothing will ever vanquish it. It’s just that, in all honesty, I am feeling restless. I love the patients I see everyday and I am passionate about providing great service no matter what the situation is, however, the intellectual (for lack of a better word) reward I am hoping to achieve at the end of the day is almost coming to a stand still. I thought I passed that point in my life where I am standing on a crossroad. Yet, here I find myself again on that same place staring on a faded road that branches out to nowhere.
I hate the feeling of uncertainty. I like things in my life to be well-defined and extremely detailed. But, of course, I know better than to demand that. Though my life runs in parallel with what I do for a living, I always make sure they keep their distance. And, though, I am feeling a little lost at work, what’s keeping me holding on right now is my disposition to look on the positive side of events and to expect the most favorable outcome. I keep telling myself, it can only get better. And one thing I figured out from hopping from one company to another, knowing and working with different people, is that the key to being happy is staying true to yourself.
————A moment later, after getting breakfast and reading the first two paragraphs…————-
After writing about what I feel, the instant relief of not carrying a burden is gratifying. And actually reading my own thoughts, I have come to a conclusion: To always look forward to that first appearance of daylight in the morning. To keep my faith unblemished and my hopes high, to stay grateful to the opportunities that come my way and to make the best of what I have. To be less judgmental and be more understanding. Yes, indeed, day break is all I need.