I learned from past experiences that if people are unhappy with what they have and who they are, they make the next vulnerable person miserable. It seems to me that I always find myself to be the latter one because I am gullible and I always try to compromise. But just like before, I can only take much. I should have known by now that when I don’t vent out my frustrations, the resentment just keeps building up turning to extreme dislike and anger.
It is so sad that as one ugly story ends, another begins. As I start finding my way towards “forgiving” another person, someone with a greater, selfish motive has to cross my boundaries. And if the first battle was all nonsense, this second one is just pure personal issues blown out of proportion. It is a simple one but because it’s been happening almost everyday, it finally got the best of me. My patience is all worn out and my tolerance for stupid feeling-almighty people is just so thin that it breaks so easily.
How and when it started are all stored in my mind. I am not the kind to easily forget… I hold on to everything that is said about me may it be positive or negative. I am usually patient and I always try to be calm but after being pushed for seven months by the same person to the extent that she is using the manager’s name, I know I have to stand up for myself because no one else will. And yesterday, I gathered all courage that was left of me and wrote email to the manager, my supervisor and also the other person involved. That moment, I felt like it was the only resort to voice out my frustrations. It felt really good to finally be able to defend myself knowing how this person’s work ethics and personal values are.
Did I succeed on what I thought was the solution to my problems? Well, it is still to early for me to say. The fact that my coworker called in today didn’t help either. Being the younger one, I planned on opening up the conversation about whatever issues she has against me. All I want is for her to be fair and to be honest. And if she is offended that I am distant to her, I can only say it’s because I have the right to decide and to choose who I wanna be associated with. I want to surround myself with who I think are genuine to me. They are not necessarily be the people I sit with and talk too often but if they respect me enough I will be very happy to give them the same treatment they truly deserve…